Why Can’t I Find My Personal Style?

By Lelalo

Finding your personal style can feel like chasing a shadow. You know it exists, you know it’s somewhere in your closet, but when you try to define it, it slips through your fingers. If you’ve ever stood in front of a closet full of clothes and felt like nothing represents you, you’re not alone. The truth is, there are several reasons why personal style can feel elusive, and most of them have nothing to do with whether you have “good taste” or not.

Not Listening to What Brings You Joy

The first—and often most overlooked—reason people struggle to find their personal style is that they aren’t listening to themselves. Fashion is a tool for self-expression, but when we ignore what truly brings us joy, our wardrobes start to feel like obligations rather than extensions of our personality.

Ask yourself: what makes you feel happy when you wear it? I'm a huge believer that "your style" is the unique combination of patterns, fabrics, accessories and colours that YOU love and only you could pull together into an outfit.

Is it a vibrant scarf, a flowing dress, or a pair of sneakers that fit perfectly? Too often, people dismiss these small joys because they don’t fit into a neat trend or because someone else doesn’t approve. When you ignore these preferences, your closet fills up with clothes that feel neutral or uninspired, leaving you disconnected from your own style. Personal style isn’t about perfection—it’s about enjoyment. If you’re not paying attention to what makes you feel alive, your style will always feel like a puzzle you can’t solve.

Following Too Many Trends

Another major culprit is trend overload. Instagram, TikTok, and fashion magazines are constantly pushing new “must-haves,” from oversized blazers, Strawberry-core, microbags. Trying to incorporate all of these trends at once can create a wardrobe that feels chaotic rather than cohesive.

Trends can be fun when approached thoughtfully, but they shouldn’t define you. Chasing them too aggressively often leaves people with clothes that don’t resonate on a personal level. You end up with outfits that might look fashionable on a feed but feel foreign on your body. True style isn’t about what’s hot this season—it’s about what feels like you, even if no one else is wearing it. Focusing on trends over personal preference can make style feel like a moving target, always just out of reach. Trends aren't good for us, they disconnect you from your gut instinct and move your skills and attention into absorbing someone else's ideas and fashions.

Focusing Too Much on “Basics”

We've all been here, no judgement. I once went through a period of having basic tops in every sleeve length and colour. My wardrobe was full of grey, blue, red, white tees and vest tops and long sleeve tops and my only real fashion choices were "which tops do I layer on top of each other today?" Truly a dark time in my style life!

Fashion blogs give us this overemphasis on “basics.” Basics—plain T-shirts, black jeans, neutral cardigan because they are undeniably useful. They provide a foundation for outfits and can make wardrobe choices easier. But relying exclusively on basics leaves your style flat. (Sorry)

Personal style only comes alive when you incorporate statements—pieces that spark joy or express personality. Maybe it’s a patterned skirt, a brightly colored jacket, or a pair of shoes that make you grin every time you put them on. Statement pieces are the punctuation marks of your wardrobe, while basics are the spaces in between. Without statements, your style can feel invisible, even if you have a perfectly curated collection of “safe” clothing.

Ask yourself if you love your basics for their comfort or if you are hiding behind them as an easy choice- A totally valid choice, I want to add, I think comfort is one of the most important choices for your wardrobe items! Relying too much on basics may be keeping you from reaching out and experimenting.

Ignoring Your Gut

One of the most crucial yet underestimated obstacles to personal style is ignoring your intuition. Your gut instinct often knows what feels right long before your mind rationalises it. Yet we dismiss it: “It’s too bold,” “It’s not on-trend,” or “It’s impractical.”

Listening to your gut means trusting the subtle signals your body gives you - the excitement you feel when holding a particular dress, the calm comfort of a favourite sweater, the pure joy of seeing a bold colourful pattern scrolling on Vinted. Your intuition is a compass pointing toward your authentic style. Ignoring it often leads to a wardrobe full of items that look nice but don’t feel like you. Stop gaslighting yourself out of bold choices. YOU CAN PULL ANYTHING OFF. There are no limits.

Practical Challenges

Of course, even when you want to follow your instincts and focus on joy, practical challenges can make personal style feel tricky. Some people have sensory sensitivities, finding certain fabrics itchy, tight, or uncomfortable. Other pieces require ironing or bleaching to stay in crisp condition. Listen to yourself here too. If ironing makes you feel like your bones are on fire, focus on materials that never need ironing. I promise you you will not wear that item if you hate ironing and it's not the one for you.

If you have an itchy or restrictive garment that you can't enjoy yourself in for more than an hour, try to DIY a new neckline or just get rid of it. Again, this is about finding joy in your wardrobe, and sensory discomfort is not joy. The key is acknowledging these constraints and working with them creatively, rather than letting them feel like limitations.

The Intersection of All These Factors

When you combine ignoring joy, chasing trends, over-relying on basics, dismissing intuition, and contending with practical challenges, it’s no wonder personal style feels impossible. Each factor creates noise, making it hard to hear your own preferences. But recognising these obstacles is the first step toward clarity.

Finding personal style isn’t about following what works for other people. It’s about curating a wardrobe that fits who you are, what you love, and how you live. It’s about trusting your instincts, honouring what makes you comfortable, and incorporating pieces that genuinely excite you. Even small choices can be the foundation of a style that feels authentic.

Moving Toward Authenticity

The beauty of personal style is that it’s inherently flexible. It changes as you change. If you start paying attention to what makes you happy, stop over-focusing on trends, add statement pieces to your basics and most importantly, trust your gut. Your style will start to emerge organically. It’s not about perfection or pleasing anyone else. It’s about creating a wardrobe that reflects you, the real you, every day.

Once you begin to align your clothing with your joy, comfort, and instincts, you’ll notice something remarkable: your outfits feel effortless, your confidence grows, and your style finally stops feeling elusive. Personal style, after all, isn’t something you find by chasing it’s something you cultivate by listening to yourself.

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